Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness- My story
I’ve been one of the very unlucky few who’s had numerous losses and would like to share my story with you.
When I was 16 I became pregnant and had a perfectly healthy pregnancy other than the constant morning sickness for 9 months. There were no issues whatsoever, even my labor went smoothly. I had my beautiful daughter when I was just a two months shy of being 17… I feel the need to say that I DO NOT think teenage pregnancy is okay. But my daughter was an amazing blessing that I feel SO lucky to have in my life and I’ve always strived to be the best mother I can to her.
When I was 19 I married my high school sweetheart, also the father to BOTH of my children in case you were curious. We became pregnant while I was 19. I made it to about 2 months before I started to bleed heavily. I never got to see a doctor during that pregnancy since they didn’t like to see you until you were close to 3 months and they were over-booked. It was August of 2003 when I experienced my first miscarriage. I was 11 weeks into my pregnancy.
In September of 2004 I became pregnant and started spotting lightly around 6.5 weeks. My husband and I were told to head to the ER by the doctor we hadn’t even had a chance to see yet. The ER was HORRIBLE. The ultrasound technician basically accused me of faking my pregnancy and didn’t believe that I’d passed two pregnancy tests because my uterus was completely empty. The ER doctor confirmed my elevated HCG levels (confirming my pregnancy) and told me I’d already lost the baby. I didn’t see how that was even possible since I was hardly just spotting but he just wouldn’t believe me. About 2 weeks later I left town to go with my sister to the hospital while she was having her twins.. the same day her twins were born I started bleeding so heavily I ended up in the ER, I was given precedence over ALL the other patients in the ER because my internal bleeding was so bad I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Little Miss Smarty Pants was with me as well as my little sister but my husband was back home about 5 hours away.. it was terrifying! They found out that the other ER had missed the pregnancy that was in my fallopian tubes. The amazing doctor who saved my life, also saved my tubes and I have no idea how. I was 8.5 weeks into the ectopic pregnancy.
I went on to have another miscarriage at 6.5 weeks just 2 or 3 days after we’d seen the baby’s heart beat. The doctor in Nevada just didn’t know what was wrong.. tests all came back fine.
Then I became pregnant again. The doctor I was seeing decided to try progesterone injections. It worked! At least that’s what we thought. My husband got a new job and we moved out of state. A few weeks after our move, I started spotting so we headed to the ER where we were told I might lose the pregnancy since the baby’s heart wasn’t beating fast enough. But then a few more weeks went by and I saw an AWESOME doctor who said the baby was doing great now. Not too long after the ultrasound I woke up one day and just felt different.. I just KNEW something was wrong so I drove to the doctor’s office for an ultrasound and sure enough, I was right, the baby’s heart had stopped beating. They were quick to get me in for surgery. I was 13.5 weeks along this time. We were told the baby was a boy and that the placenta had thick blood clots surrounding it, cutting off all supply to the baby. It was then we were told I have a blood clotting disorder and carrying a pregnancy could be as simple as a blood thinner injection every day.
My husband and I decided to start trying again and as soon as I conceived I was immediately put on Lovenox injections twice a day. It was scary and I was constantly fearing the worst. I had my son (THANK YOU GOD!) on July 20, 2006.
My pregnancy with him involved countless needles, talks about “bleeding out”, talks about premature birth & labor and TONS of scary stuff that I wasn’t actually informed of until AFTER I was pregnant. We decided we were done “trying” to have more children and I patiently awaited my husband to get a vasectomy. He put it off and put it off until I eventually became pregnant again. I lost the baby just about a week after finding out I was pregnant. We were so cautious and careful (but apparently not as careful as we’d thought) because then my next cycle we became pregnant again and lost the baby just a few days later after finding out. And you’ll never guess what happened after that. We got pregnant AGAIN a 3rd time within 4 months! But sadly we lost that baby too. We were given really low odds of ever carrying to term again after this so…
We decided that we were done.. a hard choice but it just had to end. The pain emotionally and physically was just too much. While my husband was busy procrastinating his vasectomy YET AGAIN, I decided to have a talk with my doctor about the pain I’d been experiencing that was slowly getting worse every cycle. My doctor decided he wanted to check for endometriosis and also wanted to tie my tubes while he was in there and do an endometrial ablation to help ease the heavy mentruation. They tied my tubes and also found severe endometriosis, the most likely cause of the last 3 miscarriages. I am now awaiting my hysterectomy and I’m terrified. 24 years old and getting a hysterectomy?!
When my husband and I were young we used to talk about having 5 kids. Now after being blessed with a girl and a boy we feel lucky to have the two we have and we’re also feeling the tug at our hearts to one day do an international adoption. We’re considering Ethiopia but we’ll go wherever God wants us. We’ve left everything in His hands and we’re doing the same with this as well… but I sure can’t wait! I get so excited just thinking about the day we adopt.
In honor of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day I wanted to light a candle tonight for my 7 sweet little babies that I never got to meet and that I’ll never have the chance to know.
My virtual hugs and prayers going out tonight to all the other mommies that have lost their little ones. May God comfort you tonight as you light your candle.
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I posted about this too, I’m so sorry you went through so much. I do know a few people that had them very young and never even had the chance to get pregnant once. They all went on to adopt their children and each have beautiful families.
Wow, i’m so sorry for your losses, I can’t imagine the pain.
I am so very sorry to hear about your losses. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through *huge hugs*
I love you and all of your sweet little family. Hugs and kisses on this day of remembrance. Don’t be sad about your losses, rejoice in the fact that your babies are now up in Heaven awaiting the day that you can join them. xoxo
Big hugs. I am so sorry for all your losses. I’m also sorry that at such a young age, you have to have a hysterectomy. My prayers out to you.
I have a translocation 14/21, which meant that every time I got pregnant, there was a 50% chance that I would miscarry.
I am so very sorry for your losses. Big virtual hug going your way.
I am so very sorry to hear about your devastating losses. If you have time, please visit my myspace page. My friend listed as “shelbyshines” has a story similar to your and could be a great source of help, hope and encouragement to you.
My myspace url is http://www.myspace.com/scrappygypsy.
Best wishes to you my new bloggy friend!
Oh my goodness. You are so strong to be able to go through all of that and still talk about it. I’m terribly sorry you had to experience so many losses, I can’t even imagine.
Thank you for sharing your touching story!
Let me just say that your story is amazing. You and your husband are extremely strong and I admire you for trying so hard for your babies. I have a girlfriend who has gone through something very similar. Thankfully, she has been blessed with two little girls, so like yourself, she considers herself very lucky.
On a personal note, a couple of weeks ago, a close relative delivered stillborn baby. I went to the funeral and I have never felt such sadness and loss. Thank you for sharing your heroic story and for honoring those babies who never got a chance to breathe in this world, but are so happily living in the next.
As a disabled RN I understand professionally what you have gone through. As a family member I have seen two of my sisters go through the same experience as you. Your post made me cry. I haven’t experienced this kind of loss myself (I adopted my daughter). YOU are such a special person to go for an adoption. Remember natural children come from the womb, adopted children come from the HEART! Thank you for sharing so your story so honestly, despite your pain and your fears. Where there is FAITH, there is no FEAR.
Your friend Lori
Thank you so much for sharing your story:)
(hugs)I didn’t know there was such a day. I would have shared my story as well.
I too was a young mom (17) with my first daughter. I had my second daughter with my husband (and love of my life) at 29.
A few years ago I miscarried and gave birth to our son only being 5 months along. It was the hardest and most devastating day of my life. I will always remember and cherish his little tiny face. I hope to one day see it again.
Any way, it’s good share stories. They do help. I think!
Thanks for sharing your story.
Miranda,
I hope your hubby doesn’t have the vasectomy and you don’t have the hysterectomy. Instead I would direct you to the following resources in the meantime:
Author: Katie Singer
The Garden of Fertility
Honoring Our Cycles
Katie attempts to educate us concerning reproductive health, anatomy, and fertility
I also recommend the nutritional research of the Weston A Price organization with local chapters in the US and internationally to allow some healing to take place considering everything you have been through……
http://westonaprice.org/knowyourfats/fatty_acid.html
You have a lot of life yet ahead of you and to make such a permanent decision with surgery at this stage in your life without having all the consequences of the other side (which you would have to deal with for the remainder of your life) is not a balanced perspective. For me after hysterectomy, I’ve had to do more research, spend more money, spend more time being sick, unwell, in pain, than I could have ever imagined. Nothing I experienced before surgery compares to my post-surgical life.
[...] of you may know about my pregnancy losses and my high risk pregnancies if you’ve been reading my blog for awhile. Some of you may not know that while I’m only [...]