Comments on: Do you “pick” your child’s friends?

By: momstheword

momstheword — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 06:37:00 +0000

When my kids were little I wouldn't let them play with our next door neighbor's kids for about two years.

I had these children in my home twice, and both times the kids were rude, disrespectful and disobedient. They were rude to me in my own home and talked back.

Their mom could not get them to behave and mind her either. So I had to tell her that I was sorry, but that I couldn't have her children over until they could learn to be respectful in my home.

After a couple of years, they got older and we tried it again. This time they were very respectful.

We homeschool so we won't have some of those problems but my friend's daughter (17) has had a very similar "friendship" like you described. She had a jealous, possessive bossy friend.

At such a young age it is hard to stand up for yourself. That's why it's o.k. for parents to intervene when necessary, I think.

By: Staci

Staci — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:29:00 +0000

My mom teaches elementary age kids and has mentioned how the attitudes of some kids is getting worse and worse, more resembling high schoolers than six year olds. I think a lot of the ladies have offered great advice.

Does your daughter participate in any out of school activities? Sports, dance classes, craft classes, etc could be a great way to get her interacting with other kids while this little girl isn't there to influence her. Sports are also a great way to teach about sportsmanship, and may help your daughter to see that this little girl isn't the type of person she wants to be friends with.

You sound like you're doing all you can, and you seem to be keeping communication open with her, which is one of the most important things! I wish you the best of luck, and hopefully things will work out!

By: BlondeBlogger

BlondeBlogger — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 07:52:00 +0000

Such a tough situation. My oldest had a friend like that that lived across the street from us. We were friends with her parents so we would hang out a lot, too, which didn't help matters.

It was hard because the way she treated my daughter really affected her self-esteem. She made her feel like she wasn't cool or hip enough and my daughter was always trying to emulate her (and she was not the kind of friend I wanted her to emulate).

I think the fact that you talk to your daughter is a huge plus. As far as controlling who your children associate with, I have tried to do that more with my younger two.

But, sometimes it just can't be avoided. Like in school (for some...we homeschool so that's not an issue for us) or in the neighborhood.

In those situations, I think talking them through it is the best we can do. And sometimes, even that doesn't do all we'd like it to (it's worked better for my youngest daughter than it did for my oldest).

Just keep reminding her to be proud of who she is, to stand up for herself if need be (advice that did take with my oldest), what it means to be a good friend, etc. That would be my advice.

Good luck! She's already ahead of the game by having a mom like you who loves her and cares.

By: Mommy Cracked

Mommy Cracked — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 22:48:00 +0000

Perhaps invite some different girls over for playdates so she can get to know them better and be more apt to play with them at recess? I’d tread carefully. I have a story similar…when I was gorwing up my very best friend was a year younger than me and lived across the street. One day at recess she told me she couldn’t play with me because her mom wanted her to play with other people because she saw me enough at home. At 8 years old, it hurt like hell. The other ladies have given great advice, though.

By: Rach (Mommy Learns to Blog)

Rach (Mommy Learns to Blog) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 23:07:00 +0000

This is a tough one. This is our first year in preschool and luckily I do like the kids MH is friends with, as well as what I’ve met of their parents. I do fear, though, that there will come a time when I have less control in an integrated environment.

I like what Carole said – you can’t control what happens at school (kudos to the teacher who made sure they were in different classes!). I would continue to talk to your little girl about the importance of many friends and liking our friends for different reasons. Then find some nice moms and try to get feedback from your daughter on their kids. And make sure to reitterate that friends who tell you not to be friends with other people are not great friends! Good luck!

By: Carole

Carole — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 22:32:00 +0000

Be Busy! There is nothing you can do about their time together at school but you can be sure to be “busy” when play dates arrise and parties are planned. You are doing great. Steer her in the right direction and hope for the best. Your doing a great job!