They Wanted Us to Spank Our Kid! Younger Parents VS. Old Grumpy Couple
We spent last Friday night at the mall with my father-in-law. While we were there we decided to stop for some ice cream and as any toddler would do my son made quite the mess about half way through his ice cream cone so I stopped to clean him up a little bit. Well, mommy made a HUGE mistake and accidentally dropped his ice cream cone on the floor. See where I’m going with this? LOTS of tears! LOTS of screaming! Of course this went on for eternity at least 15 minutes. I tried everything to get him to calm down.. I tried taking him out of his stroller and holding him, hugging him, letting him walk, walking him around IN his stroller, talking to him about things in the stores in the hopes that something would distract him.. NOTHING worked! We finally gave up and decided that maybe he would just stop on his own. So we decided to wait for my father in law to finish paying for his stuff and then we were going to head home. But do you know what happens when your kid is screaming so loud that everyone in the mall can hear them? You come across old people like this:
Old man: Cussed at us as he walked by while giving my husband and I dirty looks
My husband (tired of dirty looks): “Excuse me, WHAT did you just say?”
Old man: Repeating what he’d said before and then adding “He’s screaming and bothering everyone! Do something about it!”
My husband: “What, a 2 year old can’t throw a fit? There’s nothing I can do to make him stop. He’s allowed to throw a fit, he’s TWO!”
Old man’s wife: Grabs her husband’s arm and looks at my husband and says “Parent your child!” before they walk off muttering among themselves.
Thankfully there were 2 really nice older women watching this whole thing unfold and they came over to us all shocked at what they’d just heard to tell my husband that he did the right thing by confronting the grouchy older man and we were doing the right thing as parents by letting our son be upset because he’s TWO and he is allowed to be upset!
Would this old couple have spanked their tired 2 year old for being upset about his ice cream cone? I would hope not! But to just assume that we were being crappy parents because they thought that we needed to spank him? These old people apparently thought they knew it all and were quick to judge. It wasn’t like we weren’t already embarrassed enough since all eyes were on us. It wasn’t like we hadn’t already tried to calm him down. It wasn’t like he was throwing a fit just to throw a fit.. he had his reasons and it was totally understandable. And finally, we were TRYING to leave the mall!
What would it have taught my son if I’d spanked him because he was sad about his ice cream cone? That he can’t cry or be upset? That seems REALLY wrong! Like I was going to haul my son over my knee and beat him just because THEY insisted we do something about it? I find it so funny that they were concerned about our lack of spankage and “parenting” but they could cuss at us IN FRONT of my kids and my niece.. pretty screwed up priorities if you ask me!
Should we have just let it go and not confronted them? Maybe. But as far as I’m concerned that is two less people in this world that will open their mouths before thinking just to cuss at someone when they see a loud 2 year old pitching a fit. As parents don’t you just feel like you’re darned if you do and darned if you don’t?
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The nerve of people!! WOW! Sorry you had to go through that.
I totally agree about their priorities being out of whack lol
You and your husband did the right thing to confront them!
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Miranda
I am so sorry! I feel like this happens a lot to us (we have a very dramatic son)! It is the worse feeling in the world and NO ONE has the right to tell you how to parent unless you are blatantly abusing your child or something.
You are doing a great job! He is 2 and he lost his ice cream cone! You know, I wish people would take a second to sit back and think to themselves (maybe something terrible just happened to him). They did not know the circumstances. Everyone is so quick to judge! Ok.. I am on my soap box now! Check out this article I wrote about the SAME thing called “Oh No You Didn’t” LOL Here is the link: http://www.gograhamgo.com/2009/02/oh-no-you-didnt.html
Also, Piera and I are starting up a giveaway linky on thursdays if you have time to stop by you should link up!
I hope you have a great day Miranda and I am looking forward to meeting you next week! WOOHOO!!
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You can never please everyone. I think a lot of older people forget what young children can be like and just don’t have any patience – they’ve used it all up!
Great blog btw, and I’ve given you an award! Go here to see it
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You did the right thing! People really have some nerve butting in I’ve there with my 2 yr old so I feel your pain. I get too embarressed, I would have bought her another one!
You know I don’t understand some people at all. I really think that the older generation has the mantality that they are the parents and that children should be seen and not heard. You did the right thing by not spanking your kid. If you would have it would of like you said, taught him to not share his emotions and that is probably why our generation of males are the way they are. They were parented by old farts like the ones at the mall you encountered. Good for you for breaking the cycle.
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I am one of those “old people” that you are talking about….my mom always told me that your rights end where another persons begin. I came from a generation where a child was not allowed to act like that in public. They were immediately removed. Why are you mad at the old people? I do agree that they should not have said what they said to you…but they do have their right to a peaceful shopping trip and that can not happen if every two year old throws a “fit” when something does not go their way. Of course he was upset about his cone. But that is not the way to act in public. Needs to be taught at an early age and 2 is not too young. I have raised my kids and I have been through what you described…I took them outside when they threw fits. I blieve you have your right to parent however you want but I also believe “old” people have the right to not have to listen to a screaming two year old. I am sure that my opinion will not be a popular one here where only the “young” comment but you did ask. Give “old people” a chance okay!
[...] to go to the bathroom. I’m not allowed to use the telephone. Remember my post about my shopping experience with my son? I’m not allowed to go shopping or out in public either. I suppose one day I’ll look [...]
I’m an older mom now too, but whenever I see a scene like this one I try to give the parent a sympathetic word or at least a smile. I was a single mom for 8 years and I remember how hard it was.
Of course your little guy was upset and he had a reason to cry. Sometimes they fuss for reasons we don’t understand and that’s okay too. I think you and your husband did the exact right thing. Good for your husband for standing up for both of you. Everyone has the right to parent their child the way they see fit. (within reason of course)
I think the main thing is that you were trying to leave and you’d done everything you could to try to comfort him.
Some people just have a hard time remembering what it was like when their kids were little. I wish I could have a look back into ‘what it was like back then’ to see if they are actually remembering correctly when they say ‘my kids never did that’
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I know 2 year olds can really throw fits when they want to. I have the King of Scream at our house! : ) It can get weird if he does it in public and I’ve seen the looks, etc. I just ignore the “stone throwers” who act like they popped out of their mothers without ever screaming or shedding some tears. As if they’ve been adults the whole time, etc. I don’t see anything wrong with spanking, but if you use their logic…those two needed a spanking for talking to another adult couple the way they did about an innocent child. Their behavior was more unacceptable than the child. He’s two, what was their excuse? Just have to ignore those kinds of people. My child was screaming one day and I took him to a foyer on the way outdoors, an elderly couple was walking out and the lady commented, “Oh, my ears.” In a really rude way, too. You could just tell she was a gripe. I remember thinking to myself, she ought to just be glad that she can hear. It’s not even about a screaming toddler sometimes…sometimes, it’s just that certain people always have their mouths open about something. Forget them.