After years of marriage I can tell you that marriage isn’t easy.. not easy AT ALL! In fact, it just might be one of the most difficult things you ever do.. especially as a wife. I think we’re lured in by our childhood dreams of love, a beautiful wedding, and the forever we read about in fairy tales when we were little. What everyone fails to tell you is that within a year or two (after that honeymoon phase passes) you’ll find everything your spouse does to be THE single most annoying thing you’ve ever seen in your life. What you once thought to be cute and charming is now disgusting, and rude and you’re left to wonder why you didn’t happen to notice this before. I remember when this happened to me. It was like it just happened one day with not much warning but I suppose it had built up and it went unnoticed because I was still in the honeymoon phase… I started becoming increasingly annoyed with the way my husband ate, the way he breathed, the way he insisted on keeping every dumb thing he’d ever been given.. seriously, my list could go on and on and vice versa.. my husband HATED the way I didn’t shut the drawers, folded clothing instead of hanging it up, he also hated that I would give our daughter cereal or waffles every morning instead of a nice homemade breakfast because that was how his mom used to do it. In my defense I try and do it on weekends! Well, I’m absolutely certain that by now he’s realized I’m not Martha Stewart, I’m not Betty Crocker, and I didn’t inherit my mother’s love of spot cleaning. It must be such a let down for him! I mean that in a sarcastic way of course because what I lack in those areas I make up for in others. With that being said, in spite of the obvious annoyances we all come to notice in our spouses, those are just small things that require compromise.  For example: I HATED when my husband left his shoes out because I would trip on them every morning. I nagged asked nicely for months for him to at least put them somewhere out of the way. Eventually we compromised he caved and we now live happily ever after and I rarely have to trip on his shoes although he often forgets and leaves them out anyways. See how that works? Okay, so that’s not the best example but it’s also not the end of the world if I trip on his shoes. It’s not something I would divorce him over. I love him and every day I CHOOSE to love him! Sure, it doesn’t always come easy. There are days I would love to see him sleep outside with the dog but I’m a firm believer that love is not always a feeling, it’s a choice that we have to choose to make. I’m not saying you should be a doormat either, if someone hurts you it’s up to you to let them know that and then you need to deal with that hurt. What I’m saying is that there are going to be days when you don’t “feel” in love but that by choosing to love your spouse regardless you can get those feelings back.

Almost every time I go to the store I see this old couple walking (rain, snow, sunshine) and they have to be at the very least in their late 80’s. The husband always waits patiently for his wife even though he can very obviously walk faster than her. He gets to the store and goes to the deli, she goes and gets a soda and often times can’t count her change correctly and pleads with the cashiers for a quarter. But when they’re done getting what they came to the store for they meet by the front doors and very very slowly walk home together. They very obviously love each other. I imagine when they were younger and even still they might tend to annoy each other but every day they choose to be together, to go through their struggles together and to love each other even through tough times. They’re the perfect picture of what we all hope for in our marriages.. to grow old  happily and together. The point I’m trying to make here is that while our marriages and we as individuals may not be perfect, that we can still choose to love and by doing so we show our spouses the way we want to be treated, the way we want to be loved, and we set an example for our children in our actions.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” – I Corinthians 13:4-8

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